At the Sword's Edge

Alumni

2008-04-17T13:22:00.002-04:00

Starting at the beginning of this year Caroline and I switched from working in our 60 day Emergency Care program to Residential Care. Now instead of only having a short time to impact the kids we work with... we have the same kids for a longer period of time. God had been putting it on our heart for a long time, and everything opened up so that we could go right when we felt it was time. Some goals that we really hope to bring to Alumni is to teach our boys how to be strong men that are unified. Alumni hasn't had the best reputation and it is our hope that we can change that by giving them team focus and by building up their esteem. We also feel it is important to instill in our young men the importance of being strong leaders and encourage the warrior spirit in them. Many of our boys have really come a long ways in the short time we have worked there... and some seem to stay on the outside still, however we love them all and trust that God is planting seeds in their hearts and working through us to give them what He would have accomplished. Please pray for our boys as we all enter this journey together...

Shipping Up To Boston

2008-04-16T14:10:00.003-04:00

Okay okay... first of all yes once again it has been a long time since I posted. Much has happened and changed in the meantime and I am going to try and get into this again. So let me start getting back into the swing of things by updating everyone to what is going on with me as of late...

This morning Caroline and I just got back from a trip to Rhode Island. "What in the world was we doing in Rhode Island?" you ask... well actually I never thought I would be there myself. Our friends Dan and Molly that we worked with in Thomasville, left Baptist Children's Home and moved up there to be closer to their family. Last week on Thursday night they gave us a call and said that they had two extra tickets to the Redsox vs. Yankees game on Saturday, and they really wanted us to come. With only about two hundred dollars left to last us for the whole month and bills to pay we seriously did not think it was possible, but Dan and Molly were gracious enough to not just take us to the game, but to pay for our hotel room the entire time, food and our gas. Talk about an awesome blessing! So basically we packed up everything within an hour and set out for New England at 9:30 pm on Thursday night. We arrived the next morning driving straight through at around 10:30 am.

Although the drive up there was very tiring, there were several things that made it very exciting. The first thing is of course the excitement of getting to see our friends. Secondly I had never went up the eastern seaboard, as I am from Michigan... so as we headed northeast up I - 95, we went through Washington D.C. As we were approaching the big city, there was this express lane off to the left for cars only. I was intrigued to say the least and after missing a couple of lane changes to get into it, finally I made it over. Yes! It was awesome, until at some point I realized we were not on I-95 anymore. We somehow had gotten on I-295, which led us to a dead end forced exit onto Pennsylvania Avenue... the street that the White House is on. Well I didn't actually go down it to see the White House, but I did get to see the Washington monument and the Lincoln Memorial in the distance thanks to our detour. I am thankful for our mix up, because as it turns out, regular I-95 doesn't get that close which means I never would have seen it otherwise.

Seeing several other large cities also was a very cool experience. Like Richmond VA, Philladelphia PA, Trenton NJ, and a couple of others. The best of them all was New York City however! Seeing the city in the movies is entirely different. During our trip up we passed it during the morning hours, and I have to admit seeing it off to the right in the distance... it didn't look as big as I thought it would. I wasn't as impressed as I thought I would be until we drove over the George Washington Bridge and went through part of it. The traffic of NYC will certainly keep you alert if you are feeling tired! On the way back home, we passed through NYC around 11 pm however and the entire city was lit up, giving depth and life to what seemed like a small city from the distance. It was on the way home that I was truly able to appreciate it's massive size, having not went "through" it and seeing it as an outsider.

While we were in Rhode Island, our hosts spent two days giving us a guided tour through where they grew up, and to the highlights of the area's around them. We went to the "Witch" city Salem and ate at a breakfast place named "Reds" that was awesome... and which also was located on a cobblestone street. Standing on one end of the street looking down the cobblestone road, seeing shops on both sides and a few people walking along was one of my favorite sights of the trip. I can't explain it, but I just got the picture of standing in an old timey village of long ago and it was beautiful.

We also went to Gloucester, MA... the city made most famous from the movie "The Perfect Storm" about the hard life of fishermen, and met a real fisherman from the city that has known several people from there that have died at sea.

Along our adventures we stopped and saw two large castles... "Castle on the Hill" in Ipswitch, MA and "Hammonds Castle" in MA as well. Beautiful to say the least. But I still would like to know, what was up with the big cow engraved into the wall of the Hammond castle lol. By the way "Ipswitch" is a well known city as well but the recent movie "The Covenant" was filmed there. That area is all well known for it's historical witch community. There was a shop called Angelica of the Angels, a psychic in Salem, and I really wanted to ask Angelica several questions about her experiences in heaven and such... but alas we didn't have a "divine" appointment lol.

The biggest and best experience of our trip however was none other than going to Boston. We visited several famous places, I seen real genuine street performers for the first time ever, rode my first subway, and of course got to watch the Redsox STOMP the Yankees! Getting to see the game was awesome, but it was even better after we stuck out a two hour rain delay in which most people left expecting the game to be called and end. However it didn't, and we was able to watch the last two innings from right behind home plate! Thousand dollar season ticket holder seats were ours for the taking ... muwahahahah! We were so close Caroline could almost reach out and touch her player Jason Verithigh... err Veritek. She loves that man's thighs... lol. Getting to see my favorite player Jonathan Papelbon's "death stare" as he pitched from that close was the coolest thing ever! It was by far the highlight of the whole trip, and was too good to put into words. It was also cool to get to hear "Sweet Caroline" as the whole crowd sang it, along with "Dirty Water" and "Tessi" after sealing the win.

Other highlights were getting to go on a cliff walk and look at several mansions along the coast, seeing Bill Gate's mansion, eating a whole boiled lobster for the first time... which was an experience all in itself, especially for Caroline more than anyone else... eating real New England clam chowder, and an All American style pizza that is very similar to a "Big Mac" on a pizza crust and many many more things. To say the least... we were blessed beyond words! It was a very much needed breath of fresh air, especially after some bad news with Caroline's eyes and a new medicine treatment she is on that leaves her feeling rough. Thank you so much Dan and Molly... you have no idea how much this trip meant to us. We love you...

So if anyone is looking for a totally new "fresh" experience... let me reccomend a trip to Boston, and if you need some really good tour guides, we know two people that will give you a time that you will never forget :)

Rich

Changes and Hard Work

2007-09-14T21:47:00.000-04:00

Well again it has been awhile since I have posted. This has been due to several changes at work. Caroline and I were told that a boys residential cottage was closing and our friends Dan and Scott were moving to work in Emergency Care with us. Dan had already moved and had his whole bedroom set up when they changed things again. We now are in York Cottage, the residential cottage and I have spent two weeks moving heavy furniture and doing A LOT of work. York is now becoming boys emergency care, while Craver is closing for renovations and for who knows how long. This has been a challenge because for two weeks we have had residential and emergency care boys in a mixed cottage and it has led to many challenges. Everyone is stressed out, working hard to get this done expiditiously and it's just got me plain worn out. This morning I awoke to find that I can barely move. My back is hurting worse than I have ever felt before and I can barely get dressed... let alone do much. This is discouraging since I feel like there is so much to do and I don't want everyone to feel like I am the "weak link" not doing my share. Please pray for healing with my back and for the energy to keep going. I worked last week with Caroline, I'm working this week with Dan, and next week with Scott. Then I will work another week with Caroline again and we maybe doing two week on / two week off shifts by then. So basically I have the potential to be working 4 weeks straight or maybe five, and I am on week two. I have a long ways to go and NEED your prayers desperately.

I feel so out of touch with people when I am at work, because when I am at work I just cannot deal with the outside world much. Kids asking for something every five minutes, things constantly needing to get done and dealing with behaviors with kids just takes so much out of me, that I cannot really focus on things happening outside of work. I am discouraged that I wont be able to go to our new church because I will be at work, and I am really looking forward to being off so that I can go again.

Anyways, that is about all that is going on with me. I haven't even really had much chance to check my blog, myspace or whatever, which is why comments are not getting posted right away, but please leave them. When I finally get a chance to sit down, I enjoy knowing that you guys have been thinking of me and hearing what you have to say. I appreciate your wisdom John and Helen and look forward to hearing from you soon!

Doing Without Expecting

2007-09-02T14:13:00.000-04:00

I'm guilty. Guilty of doing things for others. While that isn't a bad thing... the attitude of my heart has been. God has opened my eyes to my actions and I have discovered that I often do things for others, and then get mad when things don't get given to me or when things are returned. I have done this with God, my family, my wife, my friends, co-workers and pretty much everyone I know. I used to always consider myself a self sacrifical giving person, who would do anything for people... even if it meant that my life was tighter or more stressful. Looking back however, I never considered that while doing things for others is great... if it is just me doing something for somebody by myself... then there should be no expectations put on others. After all it is just me doing.

In church this morning... Pastor Whit hit on this issue for a little bit. I have stepped out so many times and done something... and then put the expectations on God to bless me because of it. But what happens when my stepping out, was not something God asked me to do? Today I have learned that He isn't obligated to bless me just because I give or do. Just like I cannot do things and earn my way into the Kingdom of Heaven. The importance of hearing from God, and stepping out when He directs really hit home today. As Pastor said, doing and giving is not bad and by no means should that stop... but the attitude of our hearts should be to give without expecting, do without seeking anything in return. When doing or giving something for God... ensure He is directing it, and if He is... then He will truly open the ways for things to take place as it fits His will and brings Him glory. It was a great message for me and really made me realize how often I expect things from others just for doing something. I absolutely LOVE our church. It has been so long since I have felt challenged and been fed.

Yesterday I quit smoking and I have successfully been around others without giving into the temptation. Sometimes it is hard, not because of the physical nicotine addiction as much as I just really enjoyed smoking and the habit of it. Either way I have been doing very well and am happy to be on the road to being more healthy. In addition to the smoking thing, I have cut out drinking primarily only soda and I have been drinking more water mixes like Crystal Light.

Well that is about enough for today. Courage and Honor.

It's Been Awhile!

2007-08-31T11:31:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted. I just haven't had much opportunity or time to get on the computer and when I did... I just couldn't think of anything to say. Alot has been happening around these parts as of late, so let me catch everyone up.

First, there are changes at our work. They are closing a boy's residential cottage, and so our friends Dan and Scott that worked there, will be joining us at Craver Cottage. That also means the recently brand new team-mates we acquired will now be transferring to a girls residential cottage. It's bitter-sweet because we really enjoy hanging out with Dan and Scott, and now if we are working opposite weeks... that means we don't ever have time off together. At the same time we are excited to have team-mates that we like and that we trust. So I guess playing cards and game nights will just have to move to the cottage. I am excited to have team members that are hard workers, and I know the boys will benefit tremendously from having Dan and Scott there. The whole campus lost more than just a cottage. There was also a director transfer, and several job changes. The budget of course is naturally causing lots of changes, and although I don't know for sure... I am willing to bet that our campus was not the only one hit by the reductions. For instance our campus now no longer has and Art's and Craft's program, and the Rec Director is now going to part time. I know God has been leading alot of things on this campus and so now I wait patiently to see how God is going to use these changes to bring about what He wants accomplished.

Franky, our visiting cat who was mated with Chloe and gave us Annabelle, will be going home this weekend to his new house. We love Franky and have enjoyed getting to spend time with him again, but he is just not getting settled. He is older and the other cats just haven't taken to him in the last couple months we've been babysitting him. So although we are sad to see him go, we know he will be happy in his new house and we are hoping he will do better there in the larger space with less animals.

Nick is with us until the end of October. His entering into the Marines was pushed back some so he is hanging out with the Outmans. I hope we are not boring him to death. I am happy to be able to put a roof over his head and provide him some food to eat though. It has been so much fun having him here. Lately Nick and I have been playing Risk and we both did this huge poster sized coloring sheet of a jungle. He has also taught me how to make hemp necklaces. I have made several but my favorite is a black one I made for Caroline with some pretty reflective blue and purple beads.

So in other news... on the first day of September I am officially done smoking. Please pray for me as I take this step. I have been smoking for one year now, and over the last week I have felt convicted that this is what I am suppose to do. For several reasons. My personal health naturally is one, since I can feel the difference in my chest, and I cough alot more. God has been working on me however on being the Head of my Household. I believe He is calling me to do this, so that I can be the example for my house and for several of our friends. Lately I have felt convicted about wanting to change things so that I can lead others deeper into what God has for them. But this is not a religious thing. I am not saying that people who smoke or whatever HAVE to change. If that is what God desires for them, that's between Him and them. My God is big enough to reach them right where they are, and a person does not "earn" their way into a relationship with God. God loves unconditionally. So this is something that I feel like I am supposed to do, and I believe that by doing this... God will use it for something and help others, but if not... that's ok by me too.

God has been doing alot of powerful things in my life as of late. I really do love our church and Pastor Whit. He explains things in such a way that it really fits into my own reality. I am a different and better person since God brought us into this church. I have struggled with certain things for as long as I can remember. I am not sure anyone but Caroline knows, but what I want to convey here is... it has been a long messy battle... that has been warring on the inside of me for for at least 24 years of my life. That is a long time to carry things that over time become habitual by nature. I say all this to just give you an idea of how free I feel now. A couple weeks ago I went up to the alter after a message and just completely broke down. As I was praying I had an image in my mind of myself bound and imprisoned in huge chains. I saw myself beaten and dying. Then the vision changed as I just continued to sob out the name of Jesus. It was all I could say. I don't remember crying that hard in a very long time. I remember that the only words I could get out was "Jesus" and then "I need you". Over and over I said them through my sobs and I saw this image of me in my head struggling to break free. And then suddenly the chains snapped and fell from me and I stood up with my arms over my head praising God... the bracelets still around my wrists. Around this time Pastor Whit was telling the several people that had come up to lift their heads up and let go of the grief. I remember feeling unable to do it. I had become so desperate to get rid of my burden but it was so heavy and I just couldn't smile and be happy.

Something changed in me that day. I didn't even realize it until later. I mean I knew what I had said and done, and prayed for... but over the next couple days is when I really noticed just how completely things had been affected. I struggled you see for so many years, this wasn't the first time I have asked to be rid of it. It just never changed. After years I began to believe that God was alright with me, and sometimes would even get to such a hard place that I just didn't care. The Ego can be a tricky thing for any man. Well anyways, when I left our church after that service, I envisioned the demon that tormented me in this particular area standing on the alter bound in the chains that used to bind me. The funny thing is... I really am FREE! It has been several weeks now, and I have not had even an inkling of my past struggle. Things have improved in many areas of my life and I am seeing the world differently now.

Alright so I know alot of this is vague and probably confusing... so if you get nothing else from this just take this... God has set me free and has changed me. He is doing some awesome things in me right now, and the next time you see me I am confident that the work God is doing in me will be evident.

This sort of ties into something else as well. Over the last several months, Caroline and I have been obediant to God and have made several large sacrifices. Sometimes it has been so tight and stressful, but still we are being faithful. I believe one of the biggest reasons I had the success I mentioned earlier... is because of this faithfulness. We made room for God by aligning ourselves with Him, and by pouring God out into others. I won't list what any of those sacrifices are, because they are not important. The giving to others even when it means we change plans or live tighter than is comfortable sometimes, has been well worth it. I can not express how free I feel. Caroline herself just has no idea how worth it all it is to me, even if nothing else changed for the better and this was all the blessing we recieved. God has filled my cup, but I know that He doesn't stop there. There is about to be a large overflow. So the next time you see me... watch out!

Nick

2007-07-30T13:38:00.000-04:00

In 1996 I joined the US Navy and served for 8 years. Before I went into the military I spent alot of time hanging out with family and enjoying a taste of the summer before heading off to boot-camp and the unknown. Now 11 years later, I am on the other side and I am able to help one of our former residents as he prepares to go into the Marines. When he was with us two and a half years ago, he was one of the boys we developed a close relationship to. Now he is living with us until October when he will then depart for Paris Island to endure 13 weeks of the hardest military boot-camp in the United States. I am glad mine was only 8 weeks. I am proud of him and it is an honor to have him with us.

Nick has finally created a blog so please welcome him to blogland!

Fasting for Shane

2007-07-30T13:19:00.000-04:00

Today is day three of a fast that Shane, Rachel, Caroline, Nick and I have all been on. We started a Sun up - Sun down fast in which none of us are eating anything and then allowing ourselves only one meal after the sun has set. As the days go on I feel it becoming harder and harder, but we are praying and standing steadfast in our faith that God is going to provide some answers, bring about resources making a way, and honor our sacrifice. In addition to food, Caroline also gave up coffee, and if you know Caroline, Starbucks is like her blood supply. I also gave up smoking. Big things require big sacrifices and we are expecting big things to take place. I also have lots of people that I work with praying as well, and knowing this campus that makes alot of strong prayer warriors. Now I am simply asking that all of our friends that read this as well pray and believe big with us. I know Shane's vision for a new shop and it is going to be awesome. Every week he is bringing someone new to church with us and I know it is going to multiply and that God is going to use him mightily. He is able to reach so many people, has been anointed with charsima to reach a generation that others cannot, and is bold for the Lord. Shane does not live in fear and is not afraid to share the gospel with anyone. I love seeing that! Right now I just feel like there is some testing that is taking place. Shane hasn't been saved long, but I do believe that God is ready to use him mightily and is wasting no time raising him up and is letting him weather his challenges early to bring about something awesome through him, and that it is going to take place very soon. I am just honored that I am around to witness God's hand moving once more.

Please Pray

2007-07-25T12:20:00.000-04:00

Once again I have developed a pretty serious chest cold. I was feeling great for two weeks, and then Caroline, and Molly both caught a bad chest cold that seems to have made it's way to me. So please keep us three all in your prayers that we will recover from this quickly. This is our week on at work and it is difficult enough without feeling so sick as well. Thanks!

Pictures

2007-07-23T19:01:00.000-04:00

I have brought over my picture montages from my myspace account. They are located at the bottom of the page and have been recently made BIGGER and have some really cool effects. Check them out!

One CrAzY Week

2007-07-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

This has been a very fun-filled week involving lots of staying up very late. I started out on Tuesday evening going to my Jujitsu class after a long hiatus due to Pneumonia and recovery. It was fun and I felt good afterwards. Then on Wednesday Caroline, Dan, Jordan his five year old and I all went to church for our first Wednesday service. It was great. Pastor Jay gave us a message about the woman at the well, and everybody having a story to tell about their encounter with Jesus... and how that story is powerful. It was really good. On Thursday Nick had to go to M.E.P.S. to do some entry stuff for getting into the Marine Corps. They put him up in a hotel and that next morning he finished up everything he had to go except they still needed to have him, "Swear in" and couldn't work him through, causing him to go back again Sunday evening to spend the night and stay all day today down there just to do one thing. The military works really silly.

Anyways, back to Thursday. Thursday evening Caroline and I went up to see Shane and Rachel at the shop, and had a very deep conversation with "The Ricky" about spiritual responsibility and not giving up. God has certainly knitted us with some very good friends lately, and it is awesome. So after talking and encouraging our friend for over an hour, we felt even closer knitted to God's purpose and to our relatively new group of friends God is connecting us with.

Friday we spent the evening with Dan and Molly in what was going to be a "dance party" at Molly's house. After of course getting in several games of hardcore spades! I distinctly remember Nick saying something about everyone laying a guilt trip on him too, and emphasizing it with a hard setting down of his drink. All in good fun naturally. The dance party never materialized, but it was a good night all the same.

Saturday we had lots of company. Shaun, Deanna and Brandon came up from Charlotte and spent the night with us. Shaun and Brandon served with me in the Marine Unit I was a part of while in the Navy. We all had several games of spades and a big cook out at Dan & Molly's, and then moved the party back over to our house where it continued until very late in the evening. Memorable moment of the night... Team Slayers both planting a big ole kiss on my rear end for losing the game after lots of smack talking. Aka Caroline and Nick. I only wish there had been a camera. Oh the memories. So basically we had alot of fun and then ended up spread out all over the house.

Sunday we saw our guests off, and had a very relaxed day. Nick headed back down to finish up his stuff as I mentioned before, and I didn't clean up a thing. I just took it easy all day and that evening we hooked up with Shane and Rachel at the shop once more with the intention of getting together to spend time in small group prayer and praise. That never ended up happening because of some other things that came up, however we did have another very long talk about spiritual gifts and lots of good solid meat stuff. I really love Shane and Rachel. They are so awesome. After we got home, Dan the Iceman stopped by and we had a good time just hanging out and talking.

So that has been most of our week. Sorry for not blogging for a bit, but today is the first time I have sat down at a computer all week except to burn a CD or turn on music.

July 12, 1978

2007-07-12T11:13:00.000-04:00

There are not many events known to have made a historical difference on July 12'th. But there has been births of some well known people such as Bill Cosby, Julius Caesar, the infamous Cubbie and yes... myself. Although I clearly bring up the youth side having been born in 1978, just one year after the Elvis died. However, even for only having been around a mere 29 years, I have experienced many things and have been often told by people that I have wisdom beyond my years. I like to think that I just learned from watching others do things the wrong way. So today I am celebrating my birthday by reflecting on things I have come through. Where my life is going. How much better my life is today because of the good things I have chosen to fill it with. How peaceful it is because I have given God the reigns. The perfect start to my day was getting woke up by Franky licking my nose at 7:30. I think it was his way of telling me Happy Birthday. I swear that cat is just like a dog. He will lick you for a half hour if you let him. He is really awesome though. He loves some attention! We are at work this week and have pretty much an entire new group of kids. They are not easy, but we believe that we can make a difference in this group as well. So we are marching on...

For my birthday present, I am going to be getting a new tattoo :) I am going to be getting a picture of a lion representing Christ, underneath my Christian fish tattoo, and have a tribal design coming out surrounding the whole thing. I have wanted to get more work done on my arms for a long time now, and I am really looking forward to it. So in a couple weeks I will get it done and put up some pictures for you.

Speaking of tattoo's, Shane and Rachel are still in need of heavy prayers. Shane was very discouraged the other day. He is having alot of things suddenly not coming together. The building that we have been praying for, is having obstacles coming in it's path. The guy that was going to rent it for under one thousand dollars, now wants to raise the price to 2,500. On top of this, Shane is having difficulties regarding his ex-wife letting him see his daughters. I hate it for him, because he has experienced so much hope and joy, and Satan has already begun to move against Shane to try and steal it away. So please keep praying!

Well anyways, If you are reading this I hope that your day is richly blessed and filled with laughter. Until next time...

Keep on Keepin on

2007-07-09T12:35:00.000-04:00

Well, I don't know much different to say today. The red room is pretty much all complete now except for the trim along the ceiling and the edges of one window. We ran out of black paint, so I am waiting on more before I can continue. Nick has been sleeping on our couch while we have been working on the room, and I would like to get it done so he can have a real bed to sleep on again since he only was able to enjoy it one night. He doesn't seem to mind however, and says our couch is awesome. Still I would love to be able to be done with one of the four rooms before we go back to work.

Nick and I have discovered the amazingness of Caroline and Dan in Trivial Pursuit. Once again last night we were stomped... big surprise. Of course when they keep getting questions like, "Who was Luke Skywalker's father?" how can they not win? Nick and I had two questions for Sports that the answer was Stamp Collector, and decided from now on, that is our standard answer for any question we don't know. It was fun though. I love playing games. Playing games keeps my mind off of stuff and keeps my busy. It's not good for my mind to sit for very long.

Today Shane and Rachel are going to be finding out about the building. Hopefully we get good news and don't have to pursue going to court or anything. I really believe this is going to work out, and am praying for favor today. Please continue to lift them up as today we are removing obstacles that would stand in their way.

Church yesterday was awesome. Dan and Nick came with me and both seemed to really enjoy it. In addition, Shane was able to convince another guy Frank to come to church. Frank is the owner of the shop that he has had to work in temporarily. It is amazing to watch God reaching so many people through Shane. He definitely is able to get to people that most others can't. God is using him mightily!

Well I think that is about it for now. I will post more later when I find out the good news!

The Red Room

2007-07-06T17:22:00.000-04:00

The painting project has begun! Dan, Nick and I laid down the gray primer last night, and today Nick and I have completed the first coat of red in what will be our new study room. It is looking really good. I think it is going to take one more coat of red and we will be ready to do the dark trim. I am pretty proud of ourselves. It sure is a blessing to have Nick here. I have enjoyed getting to hang out with him. He is a really good guy, and I know he is going to do well in the military. I know it is going to do alot of good for him. I hope is family is as proud of him as we are. After he goes in, I want to get us all to send him letters to encourage him through boot-camp and to support him afterwards. Having him here reminds me of how it was like before I went in. I spent much of those last couple weeks visiting family and having a last hoorah before going. To have him spending it with us, and to be able to care for him in that way now is awesome. I hope he is having a good time with us and all of our crazy antics. I think Nick is starting to get a cold though, so please pray for him to get better quickly. I would hate for him to get sick just before going in.

In other news, our friend Dan's annivesary was yesterday. His wife was at Fenway Park at the game in Boston, so he go to hang out with us. Happy Anniversary Dan and Molly. It has been alot of fun getting to know you guys. You are both a blessing to our family, and our lives would not be the same if we hadn't gotten to know you. After all..."You guys are the best!"

Also Frankie seems to be settling in alright. It's taking some time for him to get adjusted to the other cats, and Annabelle I doubt remembers him. It's kind of cool getting to see her and her daddy though side by side.

Lastly, it really looks like this new building we are praying for, in regards to Shane, is coming through! Keep praying and making it break through in the heavens for us! I am hoping to find out more today, but it is looking very very good! Shane is just going to have to recome up with the money for a down-payment so he can get in there. Once he is in, he will make money and I know it will be alright. We just need some finances to come in supernaturally for him now, and I am believing God is going to make a way. He will probably have to raise around $2,000. So pray for it to rain abundantly!

My Mission Trip

2007-07-04T13:15:00.000-04:00

So I didn't get to go on the Mission's trip to Myrtle Beach with Kick's for Christ due to my catching pneumonia. I was pretty bummed out about being sick, but some very interesting things have happened. First of all let me ask for you to still pray for me. My chest on the right side is still hurting, but otherwise I feel much much better. So as I was saying, we have had alot happen this week. Since church on Sunday, we have been fighting on our friend Shane's behalf, trying to get him in a good situation. Well God has certainly come through, and if Shane can get this new place that their realtor just offered them. It is much cheaper rent, bigger space, and all of the renovations they made to fix up the last place using over 15,000 is already completed in the new place! So even if they get half of their money back, they can invest it above and beyond what they would have before! We should be getting an answer on Thursday, so please pray for favor to get this building that is right now called Studio 13 Hair Salon. We prayed over the building last night and are believing in God removing all the obstacles that would prevent this from going through.

In addition to doing all the itemizing of receits, and work for Shane, we have had another event happen this week. One of our former residents to Craver Cottage is now living with us for the next couple of weeks until he heads off the Marine Corps. They pushed back his departure date, and he had no power in his apartment, no naturally we are not going to let one of our best boys go in need. Nick has always been pretty close to us and it is fun having him around the home. He is even willing to help us paint! Please keep him in your prayers as he heads off to boot camp in the next couple weeks!

Other than that... we are off to have a picnic with our new church today and will be celebrating the 4'th. I hope that everyone that reads this is safe and has a very blessed day. Thank God for this country, for the freedoms we have every day to worship, speak and do things that many countries don't allow. Stay safe!

Another Miracle of God

2007-07-01T17:21:00.000-04:00

Today has been an amazing day. Caroline and I woke up for church this morning, and I was feeling rough still. The mornings always seem to be when my chest hurts the most, but this morning I was just exhausted. So I wasn't looking forward to going to church this morning, even though I was excited about the new church and knew that God was evident in that place. Well we went and of course met up with our friend Shane, otherwise known as Tattoo Guy according to several people in the church, as his girlfriend Rachel. As we were in church today, I came expecting God to show up and do things, but my motivation just wasn't there. After the praise and worship was done, the Pastor got up and began to talk about how God is using the church. What is vision for the church is and what we are called to be as Christians and the church. About reaching out to others and Repairing, Restoring, Reviving and another R word I just can't think of right now. At the end of what he was saying, he told us about a Homeless shelter mission in Greensboro that had 30,000 dollars cut from it's budget. It is a non-profit organization and was really going to hurt that ministry. So today, our Pastor at the end of the service, after the regular offering had already went through, put out a challenge for our church to raise it... before we left the service. He acknowledged even every first time guest, saying everyone has a divine appointment and nobody is here by accident and said that he has been praying about it all week and believed that God was calling our church to make a difference today. His plan was to go tomorrow and hand them the check for the amount raised.

I was sitting down there listening and knew that a church of about 400 people meant everyone would have to give alot in order to reach that much money. Well for quite awhile, everyone was praying. The worship team came up and was leading prayer with song, allowing the Spirit to come as He wanted and move in the church, and as I sat there I had pulled out some money to give, but Caroline and I pulled out some more and I felt inside me something break. As we put the money in an envelope and prayed over it, and put it in the offering that came around we all continued to pray and praise the Lord for the offering that was given. I waited and prayed and was hoping that we was able to meet the amount. Finally, the worship stilled, and the room became quiet. Our Pastor then announced with great excitment that our church raised over 38,400! I can't remember the actual amount, but it was AWESOME! God showed up and demonstrated His will, using us to bless others in need. It felt so good to be in a place that was submitted to God. A place where the head is submitted to Holy Spirit, and that has the courage to step out into what God has called him to do. It was a great morning! It felt so good being able to help out somebody else, and to be able to participate in blessing people in such a profound way.

After church we went out to lunch with Shane and Rachel and we sat and talked for about 3 hours. God is bringing such interesting people into our lives, and as we sat there I was so thankful. It feels so good to be a part of a church body again. It has been a long time coming as most of you know, but we really believe that God has alot of things in store for us here. The other thing I was pondering on was that Caroline and I, I believe have a gift that God has put on us to support other people. I don't believe either of us have a "Leadership" ministry of some sort such as Worship Leader, Pastor etc. Instead I believe that God puts people in our paths that will eventually be in those positions and that He has called us to help raise them up. Impart things that God has taught us about leadership, and use us to support them in getting there. I believe this is the case with Shane and Rachel. Shane has a definite call of God on his life. He is so charasmatic, that sometimes it can be hard to get a word in with him, because so many people flock to him constantly. He has an influence that reaches people that most people cannot. Recently his new tattoo shop he was going to open has run into problems due to a zoning issue. He has everything set up and ready to go, and has put about 10,000 dollars into fixing it up and making it a nice, new, and family friendly atmosphere. He cannot open now though due to someone telling him that his place of business is general, and in that particular zone that type of store cannot be set up.

Caroline and I believe that Shane is going to reach people for Jesus through a ministry in his work, and have already started seeing evidence of this. We are believing that God is going to open up a place for him, be it where they are trying or some place new, but that God will be behind it and make it bigger and better than what we can hope for. I am asking you to please pray with us for a break through in his ministry, and for the building situation to be worked out in a mighty way, regardless if it is finding a new building or going into what he has already started.

Thank you and we love you!

Pneumonia

2007-06-27T15:53:00.000-04:00

Please pray. Yesterday we went to the doctor and found out that I have pneumonia. I thought I was going to cough out a lung earlier that night. Now I am on some heavy meds and out of commission. I feel a little better on my meds, but I can always tell when it is time for more. I hope to be better soon. Thanks guys...

My new book

2007-06-24T23:01:00.000-04:00

Alright guys... here is the deal. I wrote a book about a year to a year and a half ago. It is 208 pages long and I am very proud of it, but nobody has ever read it yet. It is a vampire story and yeah yeah whatever. I like it lol. Now however I am getting started on a new book project. We were sitting in a meeting the other day discussing Frank Peretti's "Piercing the Darkness" and "This Present Darkness", and I decided I wanted to write a book about angels too. I really want to focus in my book about everyone having their own guardian angel and some other good stuff. Those books are some of my favorites and I may not be on that level but I do think writing is something that I could do well. Who knows. Anyways... if anyone has any advice or input or whatever... tell me what you think!

Molly's Dream

2007-06-24T22:57:00.000-04:00

Now we have gotten Dan's wife Molly to blog as well! Whoooo hooooo! I am very excited to see where this will take her and believe that blogging will be something she will enjoy. She has alot of good thoughts about things, and it will be great to hear what she thinks on subjects, and to be able to hear what she has to say. Please give her a very big welcome as well!

Dan the "ICEMAN"

2007-06-23T00:17:00.000-04:00

ALRIGHT! Caroline and I got my friend Dan aka Iceman from work to finally make it into blog land! Give him a hearty welcome. He is a good guy with one of the best work ethics I have ever seen...

Thankful

2007-06-20T22:01:00.000-04:00

Having read many posts of our friends, I thought I would post a list of things I am thankful for. So here are many of my praises to God...

1. My beautiful wife Caroline. God knew perfectly the woman that I needed in my life and I truly believed that He created her for me exactly as He knew I would need and want.

2. My family. My grandparents for all the things they taught me in life, and for really giving me strong values that have helped to mold me into the man I am today. My mom and dad for all the love and support they give to me, and for being there when I need them.

3. My friends. God has blessed me with so many friends over the years, but there are few that have stood true over time, and they are more precious to me than anything. Their guidance, love, empathy, direction, support, and just being there is more than I ever asked for, and they will never know how much they are needed and loved.

4. My job. Having a job that is a mission field for God is one of the best things in this world. Knowing I am doing something that He has called me to do, in a place He ordained me to be is AWESOME! No matter how hard things get, or how down I may feel, it is good to know that I can always fall back on the fact that God has placed me here, and I am in His hands. Being able to impact these kids and show them love, while trying to get them into a closer relationship with Jesus, and in a better relationship with their families when possible is a large task that I love. This job is truly what I feel I was made for. It makes going through all the tough times of my life, just training for what I do now, and I know God was preparing me for what I do today.

5. My health. I have always been relatively healthy and I am so thankful for that. I know God is helping me become stronger, and better... developing me into an even fitter man, and I am so thankful that even when it is tough, that my body heals quickly and I am able to continue.

6. My co-workers. I am so blessed to work with such a great group of people. It is nice to be surrounded by Christians that always open every meeting with prayer, and that have good Christian values at the center of everything. I cannot imagine working with people that do not have those values again. I never have to worry about things, and their is a level of trust that I have not found in any other job.

7. Our kids. Yes the furry babies! Our cats are our babies and we love them so much. They bring so much joy into our lives and they make me so happy watching them play or when they curl up on my lap and just lay there wanting my attention or pets. There is something very thereputic about having an animal wanting your love and affection.

8. My Sensei. God has put me under a man with integrity, honor and a value to share Christ in all things. His ten codes of the Dojo are filled with many references to God. Number 10 itself is... Christ Jesus is my Lord! I mean... a man that is willing to put his faith into his talent and art... and share it so unbashfully is truly someone I admire!

Most of all I am thankful to God for being such an amazing Creator that still desires a relationship with little ole me. I often feel like I fail and give into the things that I know are not good or right, (just like the bible verse) and don't do the things I know I should enough. I am so thankful that my God is big enough, and has seen it all. He has watched His people of this earth do all sorts of things and nothing shocks Him. Their are cultures out there that do some really off the wall things, so really the things I do... are not that strange to Him. He understands, and teaches. He directs me. He lifts me up when I am down, and never leaves me even when I feel naked and ashamed. He desires me to be His son. He would move heaven and earth to make things happen for me literally, when I am in need, if I simply ask. How amazing is my God! He doesn't degrade me. He doesn't beat me silly when I mess up. He helps me become better. He supports me. He shows me a better way, and though I mess up daily... His GRACE covers it all. He accepts me right where I am, instead of waiting for me to do ten thousand acts to become righteous. How amazing is my God! Truly how amazing is my God!

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-17T09:39:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Not having children yet, I cannot speak from experience about the rearing of children or the blessings that they are to me personally. I cannot even speak about having a Godly father that has sheltered me, and even cared for me the way a father should. However, from my life experience the things that I learned from my father were important none the less. My father showed me all the things that I didn't want in my own life, and how important having a good relationship with God is. I know that good fathers give of themselves so much. They sacrifice and work hard to provide, support and are committed to being a part of their children's lives. I love Kevin's post about being there for his children and how he talks about his father always being there for his games. A desire to be there for Kevin, rooting for him and encouraging him in the ways to be a man demonstrates a strong father in my eyes. There are some people out there, that instantly I can see a father's spirit in them. It is something that always draws me to them. Caroline's brother in law Mo is one of those people. I have always admired the father's spirit in others and have prayed that God would develope that in myself. Through the job I do now, I have a greater look into the importance of providing structure and discipline, while at the same time being able to give love, and compassion. Some people don't mix those traits and are too authoritive. Others, are way to easy and their kids run wild. Finding the balance of tough discipline and being too easy on kids cannot be easy for any parent. Knowing when to let go and allow them to make their own mistakes, find their own way... again difficult, and no child comes with an instruction booklet.

I am still finding my own way into having a father's spirit in myself, and I take the good things and the bad, and am thankful for them all. I have learned much not from just one source... but from grandparents, my biological father, my step-dad that I consider my dad, and from many many friends. What a big responsibility to be a dad! This world is falling into chaos without strong father figures out there. Both sons and daughters are falling into deviant lifestyles because of their dads being absentee or uncaring. I believe that is one of the biggest things that will lead to the end of time and Jesus's return. So today I just say thank you, to all you dad's out there that are working so hard, finding your way and that are most of all letting God lead you on. I admire you!

More Facts About Me

2007-06-14T10:42:00.000-04:00

Helen got me thinking with that last post, so here are some more facts about me...

1. I am a Jr. - Richard Jay Outman Jr. and at one time almost had my name changed to Jerry Salinas Outman after my father stole money from my bank account due to having the same name. Salinas is my mother's maiden name (hence the Mexican side).

2. My Birthday is July 12, 1978. The year after Elvis died, and ironically I do tend to truly exhibit many "Cancer" traits.

3. I have two piercings... both ears gauged size 10.

4. I have five tattoo's. A navy anchor, American flag / Jesus fish, Medical Caddeus with Marine K-Bar, Heart with crown for Caroline, and a huge tribal type cross on my back.

5. I used to be on a swim team in High School and recieved several medals and lettered in it. I also recieved Life Guard certification my Senior year.

6. I enjoy writing, reading, painting, singing, volleyball, swimming, bike riding, and listening to music.

7. My favorite colors are Blue and Orange.

8. My favorite animals are cats. I especially like big ones like Tigers and Panthers.

9. My favorite food is Italian or Mexican food. Chimichanga's are the bomb!

10. My favorite candy is M&M's plain or Peppermint patties.

11. The first thing I notice about another person is their eyes.

12. I pretty much only drink Jazz Diet Pepsi drinks.

13. My favorite season is Autumn and Summer if I can be in a pool :)

14. I mostly enjoy comedies, or action movies... but I also enjoy vampire movies and books.

15. Money truly isn't that important to me. It is just a tool to live, but I believe true happiness is found in the things I already have.

16. My biggest fear is lonliness and isolation.

17. My best memory is getting married. When Caroline entered the church and one of my LT's little girls yelled out, "Look mommy! It's a princess!" Caroline and I talk about that all the time.

18. Some of my biggest strengths are... compassion, and wisdom.

19. I enjoy thunderstorms and I really think I could enjoy being a storm chaser.

20. I am gifted by God as an intercessor, and often bear the burden to pray for people to affect change.

So there are twenty more tidbits for you all. Enjoy!

8 Juicy Facts About Me!

2007-06-13T10:29:00.000-04:00

This post is from a little game going around... and now it is my turn. Thank you Helen!

1. I have always been attracted to dark haired, tan to dark skinned women, usually with brown eyes. I am married to a beautiful fair skinned, blue eyed woman lol.

2. Half of my family is of Mexican/Hispanic background... although looking at me you can't really tell.

3. I used to have a huge crush on Paula Abdul growing up, and am about to watch her new reality series "Hey Paula" that comes on Bravo this week. Also Caroline has gotten me really addicted to "Top Chef". Other than that and UFC, I hardly watch any television.

4. I was in the Navy for 8 years in a medical field, and planned to stay in... until God changed things and now I work for Baptist Children's Home.

5. I like my good friend Helen, believe that I have an OCD quirk. I wouldn't call myself truly OCD, but I do things like touch my back pocket 5 times on a car ride to make sure I didn't forget my wallet... or get up out of bed because I think I forgot to lock something that I know I already did. Having to double and triple check things lol.

6. The woman of my dreams that I have been happily married to for almost ten years... also happens to be almost ten years older than me.

7. I never really had a father figure growing up... He would disappear for years at a time and was a horrible example of what a father should be. This caused me to move around alot and now I find that I tend to only let people get so close to me.

8. I have always wanted to travel to other countries, especially Spain. I would love to be a missionary and believe that God will use me one day in this way. I would also love to visit Japan, China, England, Italy, Greece, Iraq, Israel, Brazil, Egypt and Ethiopia.

9. I am taking Jujitsu and am trying to find ways to incorporate "The Martial Way" into my life along with values like Honor, Courage, Fidelity, Responsiblity, Integrity and Strength... while also demonstrating Compassion, Patience, Peacefulness and a relationship with Jesus, so that I can be more complete in myself and a better example to the kids we serve.

10. Caroline is truly God's perfect match for me. She is the only one that I have ever felt I could be 100% honest and completely open with, and is the only person that truly knows who all I am.

Now I am suppose to tag 8 others. Most of the other people I would tag who blog are already tagged however so I guess I will have to pass. I would encourage some of our non-blogging friends that check on this from time to time to sign up and do this however. They are...

Dan
Scott
Kevin
Bond
Crystal
Molly
Jeff
Angel

A Good Week

2007-06-11T19:26:00.000-04:00

This has really been a great week off. So much has happened and getting out of town really made it seem longer than it was. Early in the week my wife went through with dying her hair bright pink so that she would have to move into step two... shaving it off. She cried as our friend Dan shaved it, but she has been playing with it and we all had fun shaving our heads into bright pink mohawks. Now tonight she will finally shave it all off before we go to work tomorrow. This has not been easy for her at all. I am so proud of my wife for having the courage to go through with this. She is an amazing woman, to sacrifice something that she loves the most about herself, to help another person go through such a tough time.

Over the weekend we spent our time with some co-workers at a mountain home owned by Baptist Children's Home at Ridgecrest in Black Mountain. We were actually very surprised for how cheap we are able to rent it, and having so many couples go made it very very easy. It was so beautiful up there, and I love that it is only twenty minutes from Asheville. I would really love to get together with most of you and have a trip up there! There is all kinds of room for the kids as well. I can just picture all of us having a blast while watching each others kids playing and hanging out together. I know Caroline really needs to have some time with you all as well so lets really work something out!

Tomorrow we are heading back to work, and will be assisting another cottage since their Child care workers are out... bringing several of their kids into our cottage for the week. That means we will definitely have 8 kids of all ages and I expect it will be a zoo, since several of the kids in the other cottage have been going a little wild lately. Please keep us in prayer this week!

Well I think that is about all I know for now... I hope everyone else is doing well. I am enjoying reading all of our friends blogs and seeing what is happening... and Johnny... I am loving the retro theme you have had going on lately. The best thing that came out of the 70's though was definitely..... ME! 1978 :)

Head Chop - BLOCKED

2007-06-04T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well it has been an interesting day. With much prodding and pushing I agreed to go to my Jujitsu class today if Caroline agreed to go with me and watch as well. I wanted this situation to come to a head either for the better or worse, and was not going to be a part of something that Caroline couldn't also be a part of. I don't want to have relationships with people that my wife cannot also join into. So we went... and it turned out to be okay. After my class, Caroline and my Sensei talked and Caroline left feeling alright about it. I am glad because I just didn't feel like we was suppose to quit this yet. I mean it is a really small group of people and may not seem "important", but sometimes the greatest life changing experiences can be through the hands of just a few. Look at all of you... our friends that we talk with on here. I prayed and prayed and read the bible looking for answers and in the end I just couldn't find anything specific... but I think I did pretty good with getting my sword and shield up to at least deflect what could have been a pretty devestating blow. Thank you Jan for your prayers. Please continue to pray for Caroline and I in recovering from some of these hurts and that God will surround us with like minded people that will encourage us and help to restore us.

On a sad and happy note... we are losing some of the best kids we have ever had in Craver next week. Today is our last day with them and we have some special activities planned. We know that they are going on and are in God's hands... and that their families are moving forward in getting closer and better... so it is a very happy thing for us, but also sad because of the attachments that we build. One of our boys is quite into dancing and I think we will see him on Dancing with the Star's some day lol. Another one is going to be a WWE Heavy Weight Champion of the world... and the third... a pro BMX superstar! I can't wait to see what God truly has in store for them and leave whatever they become in His hands...

We have given them the tools and shown them a God that truly loves them and that won't leave them. Now it is up to them to apply Him and all the things they learned to their lives and let it sink into their hearts...

The Head of The Houshold...

2007-06-03T19:09:00.000-04:00

Today has been a difficult day for Caroline... and I am at a loss as to what God wants me to do. I have been praying and I am hoping that He will give me some direction, cause I feel like I am just drifting along in uncharted waters, waiting for His current to take me in the direction I need to be. I have joined up with the church that takes place in my Dojo, with a very small group of people... taking a step to try and get connected someplace and to be useful to God. Today Caroline went there alone and had a bad experience when she shared some of what she has been dealing with lately. My Sensei after church came out to the car after she left in tears and his question to her was, "Is your struggle something that puts our group in danger?" The services here are not formal at all. They are more like deep bible discussions in which everyone brings something and shares. In this Caroline brought up that she doesn't feel like she has anything to give on this missions trip next month and that she doesn't want to go. That I really do. It gets more in depth than that... but she never said what her struggle was or what she was going through. She wasn't really given the opportunity and basically the whole experience left her really upset and in tears.

I find myselft struggling. When Caroline and I sat down and decided to work on developing interests that we have, I wanted to get back into Martial Arts. When looking into the website and reading up on it... I also decided that I really wanted to step out and come along side of this group of people and get out there and do something. I was very excited to get involved in something after so long of not being a part of a church. Now I am so frustrated over what to do. There are a couple larger churches that we could get involved with... and I don't know if we should do that... or if this is just something that satan is trying to use to disrupt what God would have us do. I know that God is giving me the message to press in... but I just don't know where. I feel like it is suppose to be my responsibility to set the example and I am trying to do that... and I feel like there is a sword sweeping at my neck that I am just unsure that I have the strength to raise my hands up and block. Part of me just wants to give up and not try to go anywhere... and part of me wants to just rush in and be a part of something and move on.

Both are not easy choices however when you are talking about pain that constantly cripples you. I am tired of people saying... well if you are still hurting.. then you haven't really given it to God. I HAVE... over and over. Today we listed to the story of the women who was bleeding for 12 years. She tried to find every worldly source she could for healing... and suffered for so long. When Jesus came she KNEW that He was the One Way that could heal her... but she had to press in to get to Him. I feel that Caroline and I are like that. Hurting and suffering for a long time... pressing through the crowd getting glimpses of God... and we just want to get into His presence... but it is so hard. We need a break through! There are some hurts that last, no matter how hard to pray... and some things that take a long time to heal from. Nobody can say how long something should hurt. I realize that there has to be a choice to move into healing... such as forgiving, restoring, whatever... but sometimes losses continue to hurt.

So now what? Please pray...

2007-05-30T13:38:00.001-04:00

Wow have I been busy the last several days... This week I returned to work and realized that it is our last week with two or three of our boys, before they return home. This group we have had was our best and we are sad to see them go, but happy because they will be back with their families and hopefully making good choices. We hope that the next group of kids that we get in will be a good one too.

So for fight night... I had 4/9 fights chose right. Two of those fights I had picked... weren't even shown! There were a lot of people that won, that really weren't expected to in other people's opinions too... so that made me not feel so bad. I am mostly disappointed in Chuck "The Ice Man" Liddell. He didn't even put up much of a fight and he had been training harder and definitely looked like he wanted it more. Oh well.

A couple of nights ago... I watched a reality series about Gene Simmons. You know... the guy with the long tongue from the band Kiss. Exactly. I didn't really know much about him and never listed to the band really... but watching him on this show with his two kids was pretty cool. He seems to definitely have a good relationship with them, which is something that is nice to see. But what was really spectacular was that his daughter had a paper to write about the military. To help his daughter... he took her to Camp Pendelton by helicopter and spent the day there so that she could get an up close and personal look into the day of a Marine. They were able to go out and ride around, and see things... but then spent the last half of the day doing a "boot camp". Being yelled at and going through obstacles and hard stuff to find out what that is sort of like.

After all of this... he was so inspired... he took his daughter to the VA hospital and talked with many Airmen, Sailors and Marines from the Vietnam, Korean and even a guy from the most current Iraq war. The things he said to the guys and women that served was very awesome and he was moved to tears frequently. After all of this... he got his band to put on a concert for them. They put together the Army, Airforce, Navy and Marine Corps anthems and then ended the meledy with a God Bless America round all set with a rock flare. I was so impressed by this guy. Recently he has even made comments about current issues our nation is facing... and said that he would rather have to be searched more thoroughly and go through higher security measures... if it meant we were safe here. He also supported our troops being overseas, preventing the war from being brought on our home turf. Not many celebs are willing to say that now days. I however again find myself impressed.

Other than that... I'm just chilling. Working hard. Until next time...

Fight Night!

2007-05-26T11:40:00.000-04:00

Tonight Caroline and I have ordered the UFC 71 fight. I never got into watching fights on television. Now that I am in Jujitsu however I have found that watching UFC really is pretty awesome. I love watching some of the moves I am learning in class being used practically. It brings home the importance of guarding and defensive stances, keeping the hands at home... close to the head so that it is protected. It's what I imagine its like to sit with a coach before a big game, watching an opponent's game so that they can study for practical use. The funny thing is... Caroline is really into the coaching part of it as well lol. She constantly points out... "See see! He's got him in his guard!" "Oooh butterfly guard!" "See why it is so important to keep your hands up R.J.?" Stuff like that. It's awesome! I really think she should apply to be a UFC commentator. Maybe they can kick that Fear Factor dude off and replace him with her. That guy drives me nuts. He gets people to eat bugs and do crazy stuff one moment... and now suddenly he is a fighting expert lol. Okay... so.

We watched the preview that talked about the upcoming fight and fighters. Some have alot to prove and were pushing themselves hard... while others were approaching the fight sort of lazily I thought. In the case of the main event fight, Liddell vs. Jackson... Jackson has beaten Liddell before and really seemed like it was not going to be a big deal. I liked Jackson better personality wise... but my pick for that fight has got to be Liddell. He seems to be training harder and to want it more. We shall see.

On the Martin vs. Salaverry fight... I have to confess I know nothing about either fighter... but my vote is going on Martin. He seems to have more consistant wins, and hard punches that I believe will give him the upper hand in the end.

Regarding Burkman vs. Parisyan... yesterday we watched a different fight with Parisyan and I wasn't impressed with him. He ran out of gas early, and was clearly dominated over the whole fight. Having watched interviews on both of these warriors, Parisyan seems to really want it... but my vote is going to go on Burkman. Parisyan is strong in Judo and his throws can be devestating, but it is just not enough for me to root for him yet. Burkman's background in wrestling and ground pounding is going to make this one a really good fight I hope.

Alexander vs. Jardine... again I have no idea about either one. I am going to go with Jardine however based on his longer fighting record and well.. the dude just looks mean. REALLY. I mean after all his UFC name is Keith Jardine... "The Dean of Mean"... and he looks like he can back it up lol.

Starnes vs Leben - I am definitely going for Leben. I have seen him fight and heard his name come up in my Jujitsu class on a couple occassions. His style is so unorthodox and by watching him you think surely he is going to lose... but he wins! He rushes in with his arms down not guarding his head, and you just wait and watch on the edge of the seat waiting for a good punch to take him down... and just then, he takes his opponent down! He is fast and powerful and I think he will show us a very interesting fight tonight.

Silva vs. Irvin - Once again tough call. They are both strikers and I see this ending up as more of a boxing match than ground fighting. I don't know anything about these guys but I think that Silva is who I am rooting for.

Salmon vs. Belcher - I know nothing of these guys but Belcher studies Jujitsu.. and gets my vote just simply for that reason lol.

Stephens vs. Thomas... same thing. Stephens gets my vote.

Lastly Marrero vs. Gouveia - Both blackbelts in forms of Jujitsu. Gouveia seems to have a little bit more training under his belt with different forms, and I think that will make him a bit more versatile, so my vote is on him.

So lets see how I do for my first time making picks on a fight. Either way it is going to be a great night!

Loneliness

2007-05-24T17:14:00.001-04:00

Today I sure have taken a beating. Not only did we have one of the most physical classes yet in my training... but I am going again tonight! Am I nuts... wait... don't answer that. In my class I lately have been paired up with a guy that outsizes me and it has been rough. I am thankful however because, taking on a tougher guy now, will help me in the long run if I ever had to... or if I was defending myself against someone my own size or smaller, it sure will be much easier. I wonder how that relates to God? Does God sometimes put us against bigger opponents / situations so that we can better defend ourselves and learn early how to grasp ahold of principals that will save us from smaller things later on? It sure does help me grow in the physical realm... so why not the spiritual as well.

I am so blessed to have the friends that I do. My wife being the best one of course, but to have John and Helen in close contact with us is a huge blessing. I am so glad that God brought our lives together and united us with them. I know that there is a purpose, and that together God has something great in store. It is nice to have good friends for getting perspective. The last couple days were sort of hard for me internally. We are off work this week, so there is nothing keeping me busy... and I found that having that open free time leads to alot of unsettled feelings in myself. When I get bored I tend to find myself tempted easier. Also in my times of doing nothing... I notice I have been dealing with alot of lonliness. It is not that I am lonely exactly either. I mean I am blessed with the best wife I could ever dream of, and we hang out and are together all of the time. I find that there is this place inside me however that feels like an open hole. I can't explain it exactly. I spend alot of that time praying, and God is a big part of my life... and I know many would say He can fill the void. I feel that this space is saved for something else however. Friends.

Growing up I moved around every two years of my life. Divorce, drugs, abuse, adultry and all sorts of problems consumed my parents life and led me to fleeing from situation to situation. When I was young I would get so angry at God, having thankfully had one set of Grandparents take me to church whenever I was around and they could... and having that relationship with Jesus from very young. I would scream at God and believe He didn't care. But I couldn't see the other side of the storm. Everytime I needed to get out of a situations cause it was at it's breaking point... God provided. Another family member would show up just at that time and take me in. It may not have been long, but God was always there.

Having moved around so much I became very good at adapting to different situations. I've went to small country schools, to the one I graduated in that was over 5000 students and was two High School campuses combined. I have experienced a wealthier side of life, and the poorer, finding out that money truly isnt the key to happiness. I attended schools that were 99% white, to 90% black... and learned very early that skin color is just that... an outside trait of a much deeper person inside, even though some of my family still to this day have a problem with race.

The problem with moving so much was that although I became adaptable and able to read people very easily... I never grew attached to any of them. I could spend five minutes with a person and usually be able to tell you all kinds of stuff about them, often times deep struggles that they had... but yet I couldn't really hold onto to friends. Growing up I played games with my family, and then eventually video games constantly, filling in the emptiness that I had inside. It was easy to befriend a game. It wouldn't leave you... it was emotionless.

Now today I am a much different person. I have a beautiful wife, stability, joy and a deep relationship with God. I find that still however I have this place in my heart that longs to be filled. A place that cries to be filled with spending time with friends, hanging out and playing games, talking and just being close to others. Some of this has been getting better as I have prayed for God to help me in this, and He has sent a couple of other good close friends of mine to work here with us on this campus. In Jujitsu I am establishing a new relationship with the people there and in the new church ministry that we are slowly becoming a part of. I feel these are things God is moving us into. Yet some days are still just so hard... and when I try to give myself a pep talk... I can't even really understand why I feel the way I do. I have so much to be happy with... and to feel contentment from... so why does lonliness persist? Anyways... please keep me in your prayers that God will give me wisdom and healing in this area... and most of all... thank you all who are my friends. Even those of you who are friends of Caroline's, and that share a close bond with her. I count you as friends as well because of the connection you have with her, and am so blessed to read and hear from you guys through her. I love you all...

Mourning and Struggles...

2007-05-23T19:49:00.000-04:00

My wife has posted on her blog about Mourning. We talked about it today and about an article I read in either Newsweek or Time. This woman had lost her father ten years ago, and she discussed a very valid point... that sometimes mourning can last that long or even until the very end of our lives. Nobody can tell anyone else how long it takes to mourn over a specific situation. I recommend reading my wife's blog on mourning since she wrote in so much detail how I feel on the matter as well, and done so in a much more eloquent way than I could.

Everyone has a deep dark struggle. I don't care who you are, there is something that you deal with that seems to catch you off guard over and over again. It may be years between experiencing failure in that specific area, or maybe you have had to set such strong boundries to keep that temptation away... but that struggle still continues. If those boundries were gone, you would still do the same thing... and that demonstrates that although you have a struggle under control... it still exists. I feel that is at least my opinion. Also everyone's dark struggle is something that they feel nobody else would understand. The devil tries to pressure you into keeping it a secret, because if it comes out into the open it can be dealt with and you can heal. So it festers. This is not to say that everyone should just run out and share everything with everyone. There is a proper time and place for exposing those things.

I myself am so thankful to be blessed with a wife that knows all of me completely. My best traits to my worst... my victories and my struggles. All of them. Having a person that knows it all and being able to be completely open and honest has saved me from being somebody I would not want to end up being.

There is no set time for how long one should struggle, or find victory over them... just as nobody can tell you how long to mourn. Hearing scripture, having people pray and being apart of a supportive Christian body is important, but just like mourning... sometimes it can cause a struggle to be hidden even more and the message given can become something that seems superficial. A struggle can be very confusing, causing all kinds of emotions and goes much deeper... and can take so much longer to heal that just declaring victory over it.

I am so thankful for a wife that loves and understands me, and for friends that are there to support me, even if they don't know what to say and are just there for me.

Why???

2007-05-21T06:50:00.000-04:00

Why is it so hard to give up things for God? Is He not worth more than earthy troubles? Did Jesus not pay enough for our sins? Did God not promise us that the rewards His faithful would recieve would be hundreds times more than anything on this earth. Isn't the promise of heaven with no more pain, eternal life, streets of gold, a mansion and so much more enough...?

I sat last night thinking after much soul searching, and asked myself these questions. Can I not give up a few simple things for God, after all He has done for me... or is my faith that He lives just not strong enough? Do I not really believe in all that He has done for me? Did He really die for me... and if so... why do I hold onto things so tightly? Why do I let myself fall back into things over and over again? God promised me that I am more than a conqueror, but do I have the strength to overcome my greatest adversary... myself? Just when I seem to get a victory over one thing... I let myself openly get attacked by freely walking into another trap. When will I learn? When is enough truly enough?

On Saturday the kids at BCH had their annual Olympic games. Watching them playing and competing hard reminded me of the competition we face daily. The kids all had a chant that we yelled to cheer on the teams.

"You got to want it, to win it, and we want it more.... you got to want it, to win it, and we want it more!"

Well I want it! I want to win the race to the pearly gates, and sit at the prize winning feast next to my Lord. So once again I throw off those things that war within myself... give up those things that prevent me from having a clear mind and that keep me alert on my post... and once again I stand ready, my sword and shield raised high.

Perseverance

2007-05-17T17:56:00.000-04:00

per·se·ver·ance /ˌpɜrsəˈvɪərəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[pur-suh-veer-uhns] –noun
1.
steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
2.
Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

Today is definitely a day of perseverance when it comes to my training. I woke up feeling exhausted, and the drained feeling continued all day. By the time I arrived at class I was living on a prayer to have the strength to finish. In class I recieved a forearm across the nose, and while practing some throws took quite a beating. My head was pounding, my back hurt and yet I continued on. I had been so tempted to just skip the class and while in it... it just seemed like everything was trying to get me to give it up. When class was finally over, after getting changed and walking like an old man that was hit by a bus, towards the door to leave, my Sensei stopped me. He asked me some questions about how I felt about my training and then gave me several compliments on my progress thus far. After bowing and exiting I sat in the car and even though my body hurt, my spirit was lifted... my perseverance had carried me through.

So on that note... I thought I would close with a couple bible verses on perseverance as well. I pray that my friends who are struggling to hold on, and that although everything in and around them is telling to quit... that they just remember to persevere for a little while longer.

Romans 5 : 3 - 4 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

James 5:11 As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

May you persevere today in whatever mountain is facing you!

I'm Back!!!

2007-05-16T07:36:00.000-04:00

Vacation is over! Now I need a vacation from my vacation... lol. I had a good time in Michigan for the most part. My mom and dad were very happy to see me. It was nice getting to hang out with them for the week. It had been about 13 months since I was up there to see them last... man how time really flies. Spending time with mom and dad was great, and while we spent alot of time hanging out and relaxing... we did our share of work too.

Dad and I cleaned up a boat and old car and put them out in the front yard to sell. My mom and dad are in a huge financial struggle right now, and so he was hoping to sell each for $1500, but was willing to settle for $1200. The first couple days, he had several "bites" but nobody hooked for the car and the boat both. The car, is an old 1981 Chrysler and had sat for at least two years in a garage before my dad got it. My dad was having a hard time even getting it to start... so when I arrived I immediately began laying my hands on things and praying over them. One major thing in particular was this car and boat. My dad was able to not only get it started, but everytime he tried to start it after that... it would start without much trouble as well. While he has not had anyone buy it yet that I know of... I am believing in him getting more than just what he needs... and praying that God will bless him abundantly. The boat sold on Sunday for $1400 which was the exact amount he needed for a bill regarding Bob (the man they took care of for 13 years that died).

My dad at one point said, "I needed you here. You are my good luck charm." I replied that it was not me at all... but rather the God that works through me, and that they don't need me to do anything. That they can lay hands on things and pray and see things accomplished if they only believe. I had many conversations daily about God with my dad, one of which even talking about how just living a good life isn't enough to get into heaven, which is one of my dad's favorite misconceptions. I had went up there thinking that God was going to do something in one set of my grandparent's life, and instead really felt like God was using me to impact my mom & dad. This was not to say the whole week was "spiritual". It felt incredible the way God used me to show them His grace, and "realness". His wanting to get to them on their level and meet them where they are at. So many times we forget that and believe we have to follow so many rituals or earn our way... and lose some that just need to hear about God's grace, and His wanting a relationship with us.

Well I guess that is enough for now. Mostly I am just glad to be back home. It was so hard to be away from Caroline... especially after working with her for 3 months straight. How many married couples can say that after three months nonstop together... it would be hard to be away lol. God has definitely blessed me with the most amazing woman of my dreams. It is so good to be back with her in my arms once again...

Vacation

2007-05-08T07:47:00.000-04:00

Today Caroline is heading to Atlantic Beach to spend the week with her parents at Peppertree. Tomorrow I will be flying up to Michigan to spend the week with my mom & dad. Caroline and I are not apart very often, so that will be very strange for us. When you live and work with your spouse, being away from them is very strange. We both feel a strong need to be with our parents at this time however. Caroline's dad is getting worse with his Alzheimer's disease and gets very confused. Caroline wants to be able to help out her mom while also spending some good quality time with her dad. My mom & dad are going through a rough time financially and my dad was just recently in the hospital for stress tests to make sure he wasn't having a heart attack. He has had heart trouble in the past, and has been asking me to come up. Also while I am up there... it is my mission to reach out to one set of my grandparents on my biological father's side of the family. They are not Christians, and are getting up there and even though they know where I stand, they have always put off God. I am praying specifically for an open door that will allow me to say what God would give me to speak... something that can soften their hearts and impact them in only the way God can. It is my prayer also that God give me the courage to do this. I do not wish to meet our Lord, and have to watch those that I love not join in the glory of Heaven with me. Those are tears I pray Jesus never has to wipe away from my eyes. If they are to have a change of heart... it will have to be God. Please be praying for my grandparents... Bruce & Doris Outman.

The weather is suppose to be nice, and we are certainly overdue for vacations after working for 2 1/2 months straight... so we are ready and excited. I will see you guys in about a week when I get back... hopefully with good news to share!

Convicted

2007-05-07T07:27:00.000-04:00

I really wanted to do something that I know I shouldn't. One of those temptations that my mind tries to justify every way possible. Arguments and debates supporting doing things however doesn't really make something right. The worst is... a big part of me was resentful. I began telling myself things like... "All my life I watch people do this or that wrong thing and nothing ever seems to happen to them... so why can't I? Every time I try to do the wrong thing I instantly get the consequence or am convicted over it." Sometimes it gets very tiring doing the "right" or "good" thing... and I just want to be able to do something and not feel bad about it. It's even worse when God uses Caroline to deliver the conviction lol. But Caroline read to me something out of a Max Lucado book that has stayed with me no matter how I tried not to listen. "God doesn't always want to make you happy... He wants to make you His."

Needless to say... I didn't give in to the temptation... but man some are so hard to resist. It is so easy to justify doing the wrong thing. To come up with such ridiculous non-sense just to support doing something that deep down I know God wouldn't be happy with. I am so unhappy with how prideful and resentful I can be when I don't get my way... like a child throwing a temper tantrum. God... when will I ever grow up? It is not easy throwing off wants, but it should be when doing it for God shouldn't it? Knowing all that Jesus did for me... why is it that it is so hard to do simple things for Him sometimes? I want to be a man that run's to the cross, and so often I find that I am a man heading in the wrong direction having been led astray by anger, frustration, selfishness, pride, envy, desire, lust, emotions, and so many things I wonder when I will learn to just put one foot in front of the other and learn to walk towards God without falling down over and over.

But here I am, standing once again. I have listened to God's conviction and I am letting go of the bitterness and finding joy and strength in doing that. I am heading to the cross... one step at a time, and feeling the Holy Spirit's fire burning once again as I press on.

My Spider Senses Are Tingling

2007-05-05T19:44:00.000-04:00

Caroline and I just got back from taking our boys to see Spider Man 3. It was awesome! I won't go into telling you about it, so that I don't spoil it for those who haven't seen it... but I have to say that I love the message it has about forgiveness. I had just did a devotion with our boys about what forgiveness is and how even at its hardest we are commanded to forgive others. I gave them several examples of what if this happened... could you forgive and the discussion it opened up was incredible. Watching this movie, one of my boys looked at me and said... "That's alot like what you told us the other day." I loved that Hollywood put something out there that really brought home a devotion for our boys, in a way that they could see. It's not often that happens. I also liked the message about how everyone has done bad things... so who are we to cast blame on others. Anyways... check the movie out and tell me what you think about it. I am interested to see if anyone else comes away from it feeling good about it's message.

Kneel

2007-05-04T16:08:00.000-04:00

I feel the Lord working on my strongly today about kneeling. I have felt Him tugging on me so hard that it has been all I have been thinking about all day. So today I chose to do my bible study on kneeling and this is what I have found...

Kneeling is one of the strongest spiritual weapons we have against pride. We give up our ego's when we lower ourselves physically and it displays humility. It also demonstrates our repentance and shows awe. It makes us defenseless. I have been thinking today that I cannot remember the last time that I have knelt before the Lord. I pray often, I sing along to worship songs that mention bowing in adoration and agree with it... and yet I do not do it. If bowing down is truly one of the greatest signs of worship... is that why it is also one of the hardest things to do? Is it my pride that keeps me sitting or laying in bed praying? Is it my pride that keeps me from doing it where others can see me? Yes. People back in the time of Jesus often prayed while standing but Paul states in Ephesians... this is why I kneel. There are countless examples of people kneeling at Jesus feet out of deep emotion, respect and honor. Do I feel any less devotion to my God? No? Then why do I not kneel? After all I should be in good practice if one day every knee will bow and all the earth, underworld and heaven combined will kneel and declare the name of the Lord. After all He is still the ONLY ONE that has come and through obediance took away all of our sins on the cross... and didn't stay there but rose again. He is the only one that conquered sin and became the King of Kings.

So once this post is published... I make a committment that I am going to take a knee and show my honor to my King. I am going to kneel and lose myself to the God who not only wants my worship... but deserves my respect and honor. Today I kneel and put myself low, so that my pride is taken away, and God's heart is shown in my very physical being. Now making this committment I just have one last thing to ask... When is the last time you knelt before our amazing God?

Let's Get Physical!

2007-05-03T20:34:00.000-04:00

I am writing a second post tonight because I really am so excited that I just can't wait till tomorrow to post. Today was a very physical day and I should feel pretty beaten up but I am happy. This evening my boys and I unloaded four semi trucks full of food and supplies for Baptist Children's Home for our annual food drive. It was alot of work but I am very proud of the way my boys chipped in with good attitudes and no complaints. The best part of my day though was when I sparred for the first time in my Jujitsu class. I was able to put some of the basic things I already learned into practice and it felt good. The guy I practiced with is a cop named Tom and he had alot of experience so naturally he took it easy on me... but afterwards Caroline said, "You actually looked very good. You looked like you didn't feel ackward at all." That was the reward of it all... because I did feel ackward, and it was tough even though I have gone in with a desire to learn and grow. Most of all I am thankful to God in what He is building in me through this experience. I may be getting battle ready in the physical realm... but I can tell you it has greatly helped me in the spiritual as well. I am paying attention to guarding myself much more, seperating things that put me in bad situations and blocking thoughts and emotions that rise up against me. I am punching and kicking my way through the tough things that rise up against me, and even though I fall and get taken down once in awhile, I climb right back up and stay in the fight. I am NOT knocked out and I am not willing to submit and give in! It's alright when we stumble, get stunned or even just react to something the wrong way... as long as we continue learning and moving on, growing better day by day. The focus is not on our short comings... but on our inner drive and heart. How awesome it is that these things apply to not just the physical.. but to the spiritual as well.

Courtesy

2007-05-03T11:04:00.000-04:00

Last night after eating supper I read a devotion with the kids about courtesy. We had a very good discussion afterwards about how a courteous person is usually the one that others look to for leadership, trustworthiness and friendship. When we see somebody that is respectful and polite, it encourages us to be respectful and polite. Unfortunately we all know that "common courtesy" isn't common at all anymore. I remember the days in school when I tried to get into the "popular" crowds, only to find that usually they were the ones that lacked any sort of courtesy and doing the wrong thing was acceptable. But I also can remember the people that really stood out by doing the right thing, showing respect and courtesy to others, and how I always wanted to be more like that myself. In the end I found that there is strength in being independant, and by having courtesy it draws others to you.

As an adult... I still find that all around me today. There are the people that short cut out of being polite in the grocery store, in traffic, at work and just about every where you go. However the ones that do offer respect and courtesy are the ones I always instantly notice and appreciate. I surround myself with others that are like minded with positive attitudes so that I may to not be encouraged to be rude, or put myself in situations where I am tempted to do the wrong thing. But it was all because of the values I learned as a child of being courteous. I am not a parent, but my hat goes off to those who are... who work hard to teach their kids the values of respect, honesty and good manners. I appreciate my grandparents for instilling those things in me. If you are a parent... I ask you to just praise your child when they do something courteous today, and I again thank you for setting that example for them.

Feeling the Love

2007-05-02T15:50:00.000-04:00

Today at two different times, from two different boys in my cottage, I was told..."I love you Mr. Outman." One even went on to tell me that he is not joking but serious despite the smile on his face. The youngest who also happens to be one of the boys that told me that, Shyheem, also said that to Caroline yesterday. When the days get tough or we just feel like we are tired and even a bit selfish and just want some us time... it is awesome how God works through the kids to give us just that little bit of a boost that we need. We have one of the best groups, and I am so thankful for these boys, but especially Shyheem and Daniel who every day make me smile in some way. It is groups like this that again give me hope that maybe... just maybe we can make a difference while they are here and the faith that God has impacted their lives in a powerful way so that when they go home they will succeed.

Our new partners Shane and Amy did very well in the cottage last week and I am also so thankful that God sent us a couple that looks at things so close to the way we do, and that is compatible. It certainly will make going to Michigan alot less stressful knowing the cottage is in good hands.

In other news... my brother Colt and I are having a very difficult time. We are about four years apart, me being the oldest and throughout everything happening in our lives I moved around alot and we were not very close. At different times when we would try to be it always seemed like something came up. I have tried to do everything I can for him whenever I could. After I met Caroline, he became very disrespectful to her, mostly cause of influence of our biological father Rich Sr. He has always treated my wife horribly, but in spite of that we always tried to overlook his faults and give him another chance. The other night I finally hit what feels like a brick wall with him. He called my mom and was dogging me and Caroline out, about all kinds of stuff that I don't even know where it came from. I left Michigan to get away from all that kind of backstabbing drama and finally have some sanity and stability. I have a good life, I am happy and I am doing what God wants for me.. and I believe that my brother cannot stand to see me happy. I tried to speak with him directly about some things he said to our mom and he went off on me and now wants no contact what so ever. Part of me really feels fine with it. Maybe that is cold but I have no desire to enter into the mess that I lived with for all my growing up years. I don't have drama in my life now, and I am not bitter and angry at everyone. There was a time that I was, and I have seperated that from me and don't want it around me. At the same time, I want my brother to know what my life is really like... to be happy and to have peace. I am just at a loss. Please pray for my brother Colt, that he can forgive our parents for the situations we went through growing up, forgive me for moving around to escape situations and for not being with him to be closer, and most of all find God and have peace in his life.

Wow... I didn't expect to unload that much today. Thanks for your prayers. I am off to church!

Oh What A Night!

2007-05-01T22:05:00.000-04:00

I am writing now as I just got back from attending another Jujitsu class. This was my first night class and there was around 12 people there including myself in just my class. They were awesome though and I had many volunteers willing to teach me and help out. It was alot of fun. We are back on work again for our last week before getting a break. At least me. Caroline very likely will be working some next week with one of our friends in a girl's cottage to help out while I am in Michigan, since a Child Care Worker couple was fired today. We are really short staffed over here and could use prayers to bring in more people that God would have be here. I am witnessing God doing alot of things around this campus that are good... and I am hopeful that things will continue to improve. Maybe we can even get a raise! Ha! Anyways...

I really enjoyed getting some time off last week to hang out with our good friends Dan & Molly who live next to us. Today me and Dan wore our cammies again to show our support for the troops around work. We get lots of attention that is for sure lol. I attached a picture to the previous blog entry. I have to say we look pretty tough. What do you think?

Ok so this has not been so serious tonight... but after getting thrown around and taken down... and returning the favor naturally... I am a bit mellow. So I think that is about it for tonight. Oh also... if you have not seen it I highly reccomend the movie "Freedom Writers". It was a very good message and I want to buy it for my boys in the cottage. It deals with racism and segregation which of course is one of the biggest things Caroline and I can't stand... and has alot of power to it's message. Check it out and let me know what you think!

New Church

2007-04-29T19:57:00.000-04:00

Today I attended my new church. As I mentioned before it is located at my Jujitsu Dojo. My Sensei is also my Pastor. When I walked in there was one row of folding chairs set up along one wall of the main training room. In addition I saw drums, a keyboard, a guitar and bongo's set up in the middle of the room. I didn't realize it was going to be that small... but it was actually a very cool service. Sensei Bryan mentioned at one point that there was around 50 people at the last service... but today there was around ten adults probably, and several kids. Now hearing this you are probably thinking... wow. Actually it was very good. After worship instead of a formal preaching... we all sat and went through the book of Ephesians as an open discussion, saying what we liked about each part chapter by chapter... and it brought up alot of other topics as well. It was actually very awesome to get into in depth bible study, with everyone contributing... and was very encouraging. I had knew this would happen ahead of time because Sensei Bryan had told me what to expect. Every week he has somebody else bring something to the group and they do this same type of thing.

One of my favorite things we talked about is the five or four fold ministry (however you look at it) discussed in Ephesians... and how it was discussed how a church is not complete without each of those positions being fullfilled in the church. Unfortunately most churches today only operate out of the Pastoral giftings... with less of them having only an Evangelist as their head. And those churches all tend to raise up others in that same gifting. Then naturally you get into prophets and how you hear even less of them nowdays... and that is unfortunate. Jesus is still alive today as much as after He rose from the dead over 2000 years ago... and the Holy Spirit is still moving. I know that people have different interpretations and convictions, and that is fine... but as for me... I have felt the power of God and seen all the evidence I need to know that He is moving tangibly in many ways upon the Earth. What is most important though and what was echoed today in our service is... no matter what our beliefs.. we need to come together as one body, united on the belief that God sent His one and only Son Jesus, who took upon Himself the sins of the world and died so that we may live. The fact that some lift their hands or others remain motionless is so much less important as long as the focus is always on that fact.

I don't know exactly where I was going with that other than just saying... it was nice to go and actually engage in a discussion about the bible for church. Paul's correction to the church of Ephesus was sent to Christians of long ago, and holds so much truth and importance for us still.

Caroline and I have now made reservations to go to Myrtle Beach for the street ministry coming up. Please be praying that God will make a way for all this to come together for our new church. I know God is going to do awesome works there. Also the whole church is in talks now of planning a missions trip to Nicaragua. It would be a 3 hour non-stop flight from Atlanta, and our Pastor's vision is for the whole church to go. Please be in prayer for this for us as I would really love to see us go. If it is in the summer as well... then God is really going to have to make a way if it is meant to be.

As usual I love you all and hope everyone is doing alright...

American Pride...

2007-04-28T20:59:00.000-04:00

My friend Dan and I decided to support our troops and show our military pride in a unique way. Dan was also in the Navy but when he got out he didn't save hardly anything. So I gave him a set of cammies and today we wore the cammie pants and boots with white t-shirts. He even wore the cammie cover, while I opted for a camoflage bandana instead. I went up to his work and we spent several hours waiting on customers... me assisting him basically, and getting alot of comments about our troops around the world and conversation from many people that drove through the "Drive Thru" store. It was a fun way to spend part of the day...

I am amazed at how many people are really ready for the troops to come home. It definitely shows me just how influenced by the media people can be. I hope everyone really watches the latest video on my wife's page... because listening to that guy speak... gives a real perspective of what so many people that are actually over there echo. There is a job to be finished. Sure I would love our troops to be home and yes I know realistically that there is not going to be peace in the middle east. The bible makes that pretty clear... and there has never been. However there is always hope and good things that are accomplished. There is serving others through our military being there that is ministering to many people by setting up schools, supporting a nation in crisis and helping where we can. I am friends with many of my old Marines still... and they all echo the same thing. We need to finish the job first before we come home. For those of us that served... it truly is very clear what our objective is... and it is not complete. I really encourage you to watch that video if you have not seen it...

Negative Perspective Changed

2007-04-27T13:25:00.000-04:00

Caroline and I were talking to our friends Dan and Molly last night about an upcoming trip to the mountains we are about to take. When the thing started it was just a couple of us that have gotten pretty close. As time has went on, it has grown larger and at first that put me off. There is hardly anybody that I cannot get along with, but until I know somebody it usually takes me a bit to open up around them. So naturally the idea of hanging out with people for several days that I don't know very well caused me to hesitate. My friend Dan however really helped me last night, probably without really knowing that he did, that I was being foolish. While I know that we will have a good time, I was being selfish and cutting out a strong possibility for God to use this time to minister, and to be blessed with the fellowship of what possibly could be new good friends. I was so quick to want to close up, that I had to ask myself... "Am I closing the door on something God is doing too?" Now I do know these people some and they have never gave me a reason to think anything but good things... so why am I so quick to judge? Fear? Hesitate? As I sat thinking about it I realized... it is going to be a great time. That I was approaching something from the negative perspective and that I needed to change and see it from a new direction. That God doesn't make mistakes and has us in places at certain times for a reason... and so I believe that even though it is a weekend of fun and relaxing... hanging out and kicking back... God has this group of people together for a reason and time because He wants to do something in that moment. So now I am going expectantly! Thank You God for opening my eyes and my heart... and humbling me so that I don't miss out on one of Your blessings.

I believe this is just one more way God is changing me to be a Warrior. To stop letting fear lead me... and instead rush into situations with passion and trust in Him. After all... if God is for us... who can stand against us? If He is the Ruler of my heart... then whom shall I fear? Instead I run and press in, changing my heart to be more like my Savior, knowing He already has my life in His hands...

Pressing Forward

2007-04-26T14:26:00.000-04:00

Alright guys & gals,

Today I spoke with my Jujitsu teacher and here is some updated news. We are certainly welcome to go with them to the beach. We are also going to attend their church on our off weeks whenever possible to meet many of the people that we will be evangelizing with. I prayed that if this is what we are to do... that the doors will open and they seem to be doing just that! Thank you for your prayers! The next step for us is to book a place to stay at Mrytle Beach over the July 4'th weekend. This close I am sure the prices will be high and places full but we are going to believe that God wants us there and will have a way for us. The church has a house that sleeps 30 and they are full, so we will be looking for a place close to it to stay. There will be around 60 of us going at this point. I am really excited!

In the morning we will have our own service each day, and preperation and equipping us for ministering on the streets. Then games and fellowship for the afternoon... and in the evening the work begins. We will be evangelizing at a park... I have never been there so don't know much about where this is... but it will be intense. They have dance teams, and all kinds of stuff going on as well... woot! I can't wait!

Anyways... thats the update. Other than that... I was beat up pretty good today in class lol... not really but wow it is a work out. I am loving it though. No knives or guns coming my way... no siree! Ayia! I hope your day was a good one...

RJ

Mission Field & Prayer

2007-04-25T13:47:00.000-04:00

I need your prayers about something God has been working on in my spirit for the last week. First let me give you some background...

On Monday I was out for a walk and was thinking about some of the promises God has given me for my life. I prayed that those things not be lost... that He still fullfill those things in me. I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and in the gifts of the Spirit. Around ten years ago... A woman that Caroline and I trust and know well... and through time trust that God uses as a prophetess, spoke words over Caroline and myself. In this specific prophecy... years before we were ever a Child Care worker... God gave us a word of having many children that number the stars just like Abraham and Sarah. We saw and believe God answered that through working here at Baptist Children's Home... having already touched hundreds of kids lives and through modeling for them what parents roles are. There was more that was said and fullfilled but to get to the heart of the matter at hand... part of the prophecy I have not seen fullfilled yet is "That I will be a man that goes into many nations to share the word" and something of a black mark on my right foot.

Well today I believe the door is opening for me to move into stepping into many nations and spreading the Word. That is what I am asking prayers for. That if this is something God is opening up... that He will make a way. The man that I am taking lessons in Jujitsu from... is also a Pastor of a ministry that goes to different places to do just that. They have went to Africa, the Phillipines, and I am sure other places as well. In July the "Kicks for Christ" ministry will be outreaching on the streets of Myrtle Beach, as they do annually. I am planning on going and praying that our work schedule will be able to allow it. In the future... in my spirit I want to get involved in going to the nations with these people and walk in the promise that God has made me. I don't know of any trip anytime soon... except for the Myrtle beach one... but I definitely feel like God has put this place available to be.. for just this time as Caroline and I try to take steps to get re-membered to the church and be involved once again.

Thank you for your prayers and I welcome any thoughts...

I love you guys!

Feeling great!

2007-04-23T16:05:00.000-04:00

Ok yeah so I posted earlier about today being my Training Day... but wow! What an awesome day it was. I told you I was determined to no longer let fear, intimidation or nervousness stand in my way. I went boldly expecting to learn and study something new and to rush into this new situation. Well... I am so glad I did! The class was awesome. Today there was only three others there so it made it very low pressure. The head master or whatever he is to be called... walked me through the place and joked around making it very easy. He introduced me to the two other older gentlemen that came that day and we stretched for awhile. Then the excersize began! Wow what a work out lol. I punched... I kicked, and did a few grapple type excersizes... and all in all... I feel so good. I haven't worked that hard in a long time, and though my body may complain... alls that I feel is joy and I am ready to do it again!

This particular place... is also the head of a Christian Ministry called "Kicks for Christ" as you may remember me mentioning before. The head guy Bryan is very neat and I enjoy the idea of going to a place where the head is a Christian preacher and not afraid to stand up for his values. They even have a church service on Sunday's at the Jujitsu place! Well... I am on my way to train and become an even greater Warrior, and I am sure this place is a place that God will use me...

Training Day

2007-04-23T07:41:00.000-04:00

Today I start my first Jujutsu class. It has been 11 years since I took a martial art, and naturally I don't remember much of the previous ones. At first when Caroline and I talked about it... I was intimidated. I was telling myself all the reasons I can't do it. However over the last week... the Lord has been working in my heart. He is raising up a Warrior in me. Now I can state that I am not nervous. I am not intimidated.. but rather excited to take on a new challenge. I am ready to grow and be more confident. I am willing to go into the heart of the battle, knowing God will meet me there.

I was really insipired by my friend J. His post blesses my soul and has stirred up that fire within me. There is energy when you put away the fear... and just commit. There is an excitement that builds when you move past the hesitation, and go for it. When you know in your heart that there is no turning back... it makes your charging forward that much more faster and powerful. Today I am running. Running full speed ahead into the challenges that await... the growth that will come and to the places God will lead me. Today I set out.. in the name of the Lord.

Thanks for Creating!

2007-04-22T14:20:00.000-04:00

Today is Earth Day. We talked in church about being thankful for what God has given us and about tending and caring for the place in which we live.

I am thankful God for our home and place of work. It is such a beautiful campus and I often loving taking walks and admiring this place you have created. The trees, hills and plants you covered this place with are all strong evidence of You and Your perfectness.

I am thankful for my wife and for my family. The people You have created and chose just for me, to be surrounded with and to grow with. I appreciate Your placing them in my life at just the right times that You did, knowing when exactly I would need them the most. I am thankful for our good friends that encourage me, and continue to lift me to higher places I never would have known existed.

I am thankful for my health. My abilities and talents that You created within me, and are constantly annointing me with. The strength and will to do what I need to, and the heart to love others as You shown me how. Compassion, Patience and all the Fruits of the Spirit.

I am thankful for this nation, and the freedoms You have blessed us with. The leaders You have allowed into position and the new ones You are creating a place for. For our troops that You watch over as they protect and serve a country and know truly what Duty, Honor and Service is all about.

Most of all thank You for creating a Way. For paying my price for sin, and loving me enough to die so that I may live. Thank You for suffering, so that I may be spared, and for defeating death so that I may not fear...

Thank you Lord!

My Warrior Code

2007-04-21T09:43:00.000-04:00

1. I am not after a rank or belt. My warrior mastery is not completed by receiving awards, trophies, or public honors. Instead it is a daily lifelong destination both inside and externally to improve, explore and conquer goals with only myself to be victorious over. It is not my hobby, or occasional pasttime, but instead is the constant part of who I am, applied to all life's situations.

2. I am not a warrior of fantasy, and my skill is not for play. It is deathly serious and real. It is not cast upon me like a drama, or donned and removed like clothes.

3. I see myself as a Warrior. I believe in myself and my strength always, and constantly evaluate my weaknesses so that I may improve. I am special. Elite. My standards are above most others, and even society's. I apply my principals and values to all aspects of my life. My marriage. My job. My play and even my rest.

4. I have been called by God. He appoints all my steps and is who I serve. He blesses me with my skill and talents. He is my strength when I am weak, and my rest when I am weary. He keeps my hand steady and my foot firm. He alone directs and guides my feet. He gives me wisdom and the character to lead me down honorable paths.

This is the start of my own personal Warrior Code in which I want to live by and speak over myself...

Living the Martial Way

2007-04-20T08:39:00.000-04:00

I have just started reading a new book called, "Living the Martial Way" by Forrest E. Morgan. It is a book that talks about warriorship and what it really means to be a strong leader and warrior. It talks about what honor really means and about applying warrior principals and values into your whole life. I am excited to start it. Already I have found some very profound things in it... and I am only in chapter 1. I can tell you already that I would strongly recommend this book for any man.

I am about to start taking Jujitsu classes. It has been over 10 years since I took any Martial Arts, and this is a new style as well. I am nervous and intimidated... but the rewards are going to be incredible. I am not joining for the competition of it, but rather for the values that I want to increase in my lifestyle, and things I want to see myself be better at personally. There is a really neat place that I am starting that runs their program through a Christian program called Kick's for Christ. Between that program and this new book... I believe God is going to do great things in me... and mold me into a powerful warrior for Him.

Quitting...

2007-04-19T11:18:00.000-04:00

Today... well last night really, I made a tough decision. I chose to quit playing World of Warcraft. It is a game that I have really enjoyed, and that I admittedly became very addicted to. I know God has been working on me, and that yesterday He really just let me know that it was time to let that go. So this morning I did just that. I can see God's hand working in so many things in my life right now. Changes on the campus, new staff, changes in our cottage itself, and leading me out of certain things and directing me into new ones.

I sat outside yesterday morning and was thinking about what God would have in store next for me. About how serving in the Navy led me to where God wanted me to be so I could meet Caroline, and about now doing this job helping children in a Ministry that clearly is about doing His work. But what is next? Is this what I will do until I retire, and is that feasable? Will I advance and maybe someday be a director on the campus and a higher part of this orginization? Do I need to go back to school to get a degree to hold one of those positions? Or will I do something else entirely? Needless to say... I didn't get my future laid out for me, as that is not God's way. I will take joy in the living my life and watching God work through me and lead me over time.

When we had our hour of prayer yesterday... I felt the presence of God so strongly upon me. The hour flew by so fast that it felt like only a quarter of that. Two other child care workers on the campus came and praised and spent the hour in prayer along with us, and greater because I didnt approach that time with a laundry list of needs... but just opened myself up to worship Jesus and thank Him for what He has already given. Sure I prayed about some needs as they were on my heart... but most of my time was just being grateful. But it didn't stop there...

God showed His awesomeness again... by making a breakthrough in me last night. Caroline and I sat reading a couple's devotion book, and talking about things and connected us in such a strong way that made it easy to give up other things like Warcraft. Any other time I know I would have been angry or resentful. But because of my faithfulness in Worship... once again He put His heart in me, and answered some specific prayers that I had about changing my heart and attitude. He broke through to the core of me and once again I am made new.

I now have a plan to enroll into Martial Arts classes once again. It has been over ten years and I am very intimidated, but I know it will be so good for me. In addition I am going to look into developing some other interests and see where it takes me. I have always sort of been interested in photography for instance.. and I am considering looking into getting into it. Who knows... but whatever I am about to do... I know it is God preparing me for what comes next... answering that first morning prayer... and again showing me His faithfulness.

Prayer Hour

2007-04-18T10:49:00.000-04:00

Today we are doing a new thing. Caroline called every cottage on our campus and invited anyone of the staff that wanted to come, to join us at 11:00 am in Craver cottage for an hour of prayer and praise & worship. During this time we plan on having some worship songs playing and letting anyone that comes to have a time to pray and praise as they feel led. We are taking a step even if it is just us both, to give time to God. I hope that others will come, but if not I believe that God is still going to be with us and hear our hearts. I am a big believer in the power of intercession and believe that is a strong gift that God has given me, that I admittedly have not used the way I should. God is bringing Caroline and me into a closer walk with Him and is changing our hearts. Hopefully knowing we are doing this... will encourage anyone who reads this to also take some time aside to speak to God and enter into that first love and feel that fire again...

Feeling Good

2007-04-17T07:42:00.000-04:00

Today I am feeling good. The day is still young, but already I have enjoyed getting to breath the fresh air without coughing. I could actually taste my food this morning, and I watched my baby Annabelle (Nana) playing with a stick in the courtyard and couldn't help but smile. I was even able to spend most of the day at home yesterday for the first time since Feb 20'th when we started a non-stop shift at work. That felt really nice. Even though I felt really sick when the day started... as it went on I felt better and better. It's amazing what a day at home can do for person.

Caroline and I spent most of the day yesterday working on a new photo montage. It was so awesome going through hundreds of pictures from when she was in college and scanning them onto the computer to create something that blesses her and that will bless all those that we love who will remember those times. For me, it is especially cool just to see pictures of a time in my wife's life, that impacted her more than any other. It has been over 20 years now, and yet the moments she shared with the friends in those pictures... helped to make her into the woman that I know and love. To see pictures of our good friends back in the day is something I could look at all day long. I may not have known any of them back then... but even I feel connected to them in that place... because of the connection I have with them now, and more importantly because of the connection that my wife has with them. Because of how big a deal it is to her... how could I not love it? Seeing pictures of Kevin and Adam, who I may not have had alot of time to get to know, still draws me into a brotherhood with them because of the love that is there demonstrated throughout picture after picture. Seeing pictures of Johnny and Andrew who I have gotten to know closer, gives me a deeper appreciation for them because of their strong character that was displayed in those memories. I am blessed to know that my wife had strong men in the making surrounding her, protecting her and loving her in a time that I wasn't able to be there.

Seeing Helen and Dar and the crazy antics that all the women were all up to together made me laugh and cry. The sisterhood that she shares with them, makes it easy for me to call them sisters as well. They have been there for my wife through so much over the years... and the bonds that were created then still hold strong. There is nothing better than to see the one you love so much, smiling because of the relationships she shared and still has, because of things built from years before. My wife and I are One, and it was so easy to share those feelings that she felt, because if it is important to her, naturally it is important to me as well. If something truly makes Caroline happy... then I am happy... and none of her friends no matter what she says will ever know how truly loved they are by her the way I do when I get to see it in moments like yesterday. How loved they are by me, because of that as well...

Today we are working one last week finally before getting back into our normal rotation and having a week off again. We have great new staff working with us and I am confident that things at work are going to be good. We happen to have one of the best group of boys we have had in a long time, and one boy in particular far outshines any kid we have ever had. I have hope and joy again this morning, and it feels so good...

Drained...

2007-04-04T21:04:00.000-04:00

Drained...

I just feel emotionally, and physically drained. It isn't that our work has been stressful because of the kids. We have been working so long, and we had gotten some news that gave me hope for some things to change... but then our hope was taken away with some decisions made at work. Instead of changing things for the better... we ended up pretty much in the same boat with the possibilites for things to be worse. Emergency care was made the exception and was the only program not changed. We are prayfully hoping for reconsideration and feeling truly confused. Please keep us in your prayers. It is hard to face being on for another 34 days straight... after facing this challenge.

I am just feeling so torn inside right now and I can't really explain why. I think I am just tired. Sorry it has been awhile since my last blog entry. I dont even really feel that I have much to say tonight... so this is going to be it for now.

I'm a Superhero!

2007-03-22T10:59:00.000-04:00

WOW!

Yesterday I recieved one of the best compliments. It was one of those moments for a Child Care Worker that reminds us of why we do this job. My 9 year old boy at school yesterday had to talk about a Superhero. I discovered this while talking to him as I helped him with his homework. When I asked him who his superhero in school was... he said that it was me. I was astonished. He drew a picture of me and everything. I asked him why I was his superhero and he said... "It's because you keep me safe and don't let anyone get me."

A couple of nights ago he had a bad dream and I sat by his bed talking to him and telling him about how he is safe here and just reassuring him. I was probably only there for 15 minutes, but from those few minutes he took something that lasted much longer. It really reminds me of just how impressionable young people are and how big our responsibility is to guide and protect them from negative influences. It was a very cool moment for me... especially because this is the first time he is away from home, with people he doesn't know and of a different race even, which for some kids we get is a big deal.

I'm Such A Complainer...

2007-03-18T12:39:00.000-04:00

It was brought to my attention yesterday that I have become such a complainer. That I can be so negative about things, and that I didn't used to be that way. I have thought about those words alot and know that is has become true. So now I ask myself not why, but how do I change it. Why just leads to endless excuses of why it becomes so easy to be critical, but that is not important. Am I happy with things in my life? Yes mostly. Some things could be better but I am content.

So for today I want to try and be less critical. Find good things in situations and to try and remember when I start to let a negative comment or complaint slip... to find something positive to say or way to rephrase it. Will I succeed? I hope so, but it's going to take time. I certainly dont want to be a complainer though... nobody wants to sit around and listen to someone down everything. It brings them down. I have noticed that there has been alot of negativity in the atmosphere around our campus and things and want to try and impact that for the better.

So here goes...

Finding Joy

2007-03-14T10:28:00.000-04:00

Day 22... and still counting! By the looks of things, we are going to be at work for awhile longer. For now they have been keeping our cencus low until we find more staff which has been very helpful. They are starting to filter more in now, so we will see how it goes. I am planning to take a trip to Michigan again to see my mom & stepdad (dad). Things have been kind of tough for them since Bob died. Bob is suppose to have a very nice ceremony given by the Boy Scouts on Saturday and I hope that lots of people he knew are able to be there. For those that don't know... Bob was a man that my mom and dad took care of for years. He had a stroke and subsequently was blind and bedridden for about 13 years. Bob was like a father to my stepdad Shane, and after the stroke he took care of Bob. To talk to Bob... he was always happy. I would think being bed ridden and blind would make it easy for a person to be ill or negative, but he was always laughing and in positive spirits. He mostly enjoyed listening to movies and the Detroit Tigers. He loved sports but the Tigers were definitely his best in his favorite sport of baseball.

I myself didn't know Bob very long... but the lessons he touched my life with were immeasurable. I will always remember that it is possible to find joy, in the toughest of circumstances, no matter how tired I am or the obstacles I face. I will remember that I can be happy about the things that I do have.. instead of living miserable with wanting things.

Bob passed away on Dec 31'st, 2006. He was creamated and now there is a ceremony that was held until now due to getting so many of his past awards and honors together.. and getting things of his squared away. My last conversation with Bob was on Christmas Day, when he could barely speak and had to have his tongue moistened to even get a word out. I wasn't able to understand very much but after pouring my heart out to him about how important it was to be Saved, he was able to get out one word. Methodist. I couldnt help but cry, cause I knew it was his way of telling me that he was saved and that I would get to see him in heaven. I live happily knowing I didnt miss that chance to be a witness, and am so thankful I dont have to live with regret of what if's.

Well this has ended up a bit differently than I first planned.. but I guess I will end it all by saying this again... FIND JOY! Even in the hardest circumstances... there is joy to be had. That and I am thankful for the things I have. To walk, talk, eat and enjoy life this day for as long as the Lord allows it.

Mama & Daddy

2007-03-09T18:41:00.000-05:00

Well it is good to be at Caroline's Mama & Daddy's. It is always fun to see them and to spend time with them. It is very clear that Daddy needs us as much as possible. He has become so frail. It is almost painful to watch how long it takes for him to just tie one shoe, and yet he is so happy when we are here. He told me today that he is not doing too good, and some stories about his job long ago in which he saved a friend by helping him get back down from a high tower after his friend got scared and froze up. Daddy has always been one to help out others, even if it meant putting himself out of his own comfort zone. I hope to always be like that as well.

I think Caroline and Mama are going to be doing some Sumi-e painting later and maybe we will watch a movie. That should be fun for both of them, and I am glad to see that they both have something that they can do just the two of them.

Well I dont know much today. I am just happy to be here, even if I spent some time playing my WoW game. Daddy locked me on the porch earlier when he laid down to take a nap. It was funny. I was out here playing my game and wasn't bothered by it.. I knew it wouldnt be long before somebody was back up. You have to be able to laugh at things... and to find joy in hard circumstances. Much easier said than done...

A New Thing...

2007-03-08T12:28:00.000-05:00

So my wife has gotten me to come here and create a page. She says that Myspace is for teens, and that blogging is for a more mature audience... So here I am trying it out.

Life for me is good. I feel very blessed to have the life that I do actually. I may not make alot of money, and may have to struggle through some things, but that does not keep me down. I find happiness in the things that I do have. I mostly enjoy just getting to relax after working a week on straight (or more lately) and so I spend alot of my time playing a game called World of Warcraft. That has been alot of fun for me. I have always really enjoyed video games, but being able to interact with other people while I play is alot of fun. Other than that there are a couple other people from on campus that we hang out with on our off weeks playing games and such. Might not sound like an exciting life for some, but for me... ever since I was little I have been playing games. Some of my best memories from early on have been playing games with my grandmother or mom. I came from a family that was bonded together through them and that didnt have lots of money to go and do things often... so you found happiness in family, and other ways to have fun. I am so thankful for that. I have always said that I would much rather have little money and a rich family life, than anything else. And that is exactly what I feel like I have. I feel like people tend to be pulled towards one "thing" more than anything else. For some it is their carreer or job, others making money. Some sports, or some sort of competition. Others a hobby such as working on cars, martial arts or some thing that becomes their number one focus. I have always wanted mine to be my family. It hasn't always worked out that way, but it is still my hearts greatest desire.

Well we are off to Raleigh today to visit with Caroline's family. Hopefully that will go well and and things will be ok with her dad. I love them so much and can't wait to see them. They are wonderful to me and I am so glad to be able to call them mama and daddy. We will be coming back on Sunday to work a couple more weeks straight... so keep us in your prayers.

Gauntlet

2007-03-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

take up the gauntlet,
a. to accept a challenge to fight: He was always willing to take up the gauntlet for a good cause.
b. to show one's defiance. Also, take up the glove.

throw down the gauntlet,
a. to challenge.
b. to defy. Also, throw down the glove.

I am tired of living in the shadows. I am tired of going only half way. I'm ready to live AT THE SWORD'S EDGE and I'm ready to go where that takes me.